This week I'm getting ready for Vacation Bible School and I am up to my eyeballs in Noah's Ark! It's been great having so much to do because it's forced me to run all over this church building all week long. I've been up the stairs and down the stairs and then back up again! I've been bending over and stretching up (to hang decorations on the wall) and I've been practicing deep breathing techniques (by blowing up balloons and inflatable animals!). On top of that, I've been saving time by making a sandwich and eating lunch at the church. I should do VBS every week and I'd for sure drop the pounds without having to think about it.
I heard someone say the other day that weight loss is 100% in your head, and I have to agree. When I saw the number on my scale go down today, I was at once thrilled and disconcerted. Of course I'm thrilled, because what overweight person doesn't want to lose weight? But my disconcerted-ness was a little confusing. Why would losing weight bother me? Am I a crazy person? (Don't answer that!) Do I need to go back to my therapist? Well, the more I thought about it I realized that my mind does not know how to feel about successfully losing weight. For the past 10 years all I have experienced is failure. So now that I'm seeing some progress, I'm kind of in shock!
When I say that all I've seen is failure, I am not exaggerating. In the past 10 years I have joined Weight Watchers (3 times!), I have joined a gym (2 times!), I have hired a personal trainer and worked my TAIL off with him (well, not literally or this wouldn't be in my list of failures, would it?), I have done Atkins, I have tried to cut sugar completely out of my diet, I went to a weight loss specialist in my Gynecologist's office, I took Phentermine, I got VERY close to having gastric bypass surgery (but changed my mind at the last minute) and so on. Nothing worked. I believe I am the only person on the face of the earth who's appetite was not affected in any way by Phentermine. And when I say that I worked my tail off with my personal trainer, I mean he worked me to the point of almost blacking out 3-4 days a week for 2 months and I never lost a single pound or a single inch. I can't tell you how demoralizing it is to see my trainer's face look so devastated. The no sugar thing did not work for more than 3 days at a time and then I would totally binge out. And I've been going to Weight Watchers for so long (I think the first time I went I was 12) that I think they should have my picture up in every office in the country! So, after all of this, to see the numbers on the scale go down is, to say the least, something of a new experience.
I think that I need to watch out for my tendency to self sabotage. Now that I'm experiencing some kind of success, my brain might attempt to shift me back to a place where it is comfortable - binging out on fattening, carb-filled junk-food crap. I'm going to have to be hyper-vigilant about not reverting back to the status quo. I'm making positive changes in my life and I do NOT want to revert back to my old ways. Please keep me in your prayers and I will turn to God also for help on my weight loss journey.
Thank you to all of you who shared some of your personal experiences and stories. Your experiences are so moving and I feel honored that you shared them with me. You all are my human strength and support (the rest of my support and strength is divine!) and I am so grateful for you. I believe that the reason I'm seeing such success for the first time in a decade is because I'm not doing this alone. Y'all are da bomb!
I hope you all have a great evening and I'll be back here again tomorrow. So for now I'm out like the fat kid in dodge ball (oh wait, that was ME! Ha!)
Laura
Hey Love! I'm really excited that you're doing this...it's something that I'm thinking about doing too. You are a strong, vibrant woman....you'll get there. And I'm behind you! You're on my every day reading list! Love you!
ReplyDeleteJay
U go girl! U r doing great. I have been starving and working my own butt off. Into my 4th week and have lost a whopping 3 lbs. So frustrating. But I am determined to stick with it. Reading every day. Feel like we r working together!
ReplyDeleteYou are not on a diet you have made a life change. Picture your self successful and imagine what you will look like in several months and BELIEVE it will happen. Believing and visualizing are the two biggest pluses. Hang in there
ReplyDeleteHave you gotten your blood work done? Considering you have run the gamut with diets, trainers, exercises, maybe there is something more than you can see. Just a thought to consider.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Simon. I am so proud of you. The are right this time you are making life changes not dieting. It is okay to slip, but that us one meal or one day not every. You are very close to getting me to join you. Too bad you are no longer in NC, I would so do this thing with you. Think you for encouraging us.
ReplyDeleteFor the majority of people in the world (excluding people with metabolic issues and other diseases that would hamper weight control), it's a matter of energy balance, that is, take in more calories than you burn out, you will gain weight over time. If you burn more calories than take in, you will lose weight over time. If you use up the same amount of calories than you consume, you will maintain weight over time. All 3 statements end with "over time." Therefore, what you are doing now, you want to keep on doing over time. Notice, I did not say you "need" to keep doing it. If you want to change the way you look, feel, etc..., what you're doing now is working.... Try not to get discouraged when the lbs. tick up on the scale. It's just a number for that moment of time. The continual downward trend on the graph is what you want to see. Keep the motivation, baby! I'm rooting for you!
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