As I stood in the candy aisle of Rite Aid last night, trying to pick out a treat for the movie I'd be seeing, I realized that I had put myself in the exact place I SHOULD NEVER BE! Just as an alcoholic should never voluntarily walk into a liquor store, I should never choose to surround myself with a thousand varieties of the one thing I would rob a bank to get (and no, I don't mean Bradley Cooper!). My friends thought it would be a good idea to go to the drug store before the movie to load up on cheap movie candy. I agreed because I knew I could get my hands on sugar free variations of the same candies I've always loved. So we walk into the store, head for the aisle of doom and I go straight for the sugar free chocolates. I picked out sugar free Mounds, sugar free chocolate covered toffee, and sugar free York Peppermint Patties. How awesome am I!? But then I turned to see what my friends had chosen and there in front of me was row after row of temptation to commit my favorite deadly sin - Gluttony. It would truly have been "death by chocolate!"
I bit my lip, gripped my sugar free chocolates so hard I would only be able to identify them later by taste, and waited for my friends to decide what they would buy. I waited. And I waited. And I waited some more. They hemmed and hawed, picked up one choice and put it back down again. They debated whether they would split something or whether they would choose their own candy. They debated the merits of Dots verses the merits of Charleston Chews; and they expounded on the history and development of the modern-day chocolate bar and how it has affected the global economy as well as the entire movie industry. It was excruciating!
The reality is, all of this probably only lasted a total of 3 minutes (and I may have exaggerated a bit as well) but due to the magnetic pull I was experiencing from the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, the Symphony Bars and the giant milk carton of Whoppers, that 3 minutes felt longer than a Thursday night college seminar class! Finally, my friends made their choices and we all went merrily to the movies, treats in hand.
I wonder if that experience is what it's like for an alcoholic, new to recovery, who goes to eat in a restaurant. It's easy for a non-addict to say, "He has to learn to be around alcohol without drinking it himself." That may be true but it is definitely NOT easy! So, once again, I find myself grateful for all of you out there who have taken an interest in this not-so-little journey of mine because you are the reason I was able to resist the candy - AGAIN. As I made the decision (over and over again) not to pick-up the bags of sugary concoctions, I kept saying to myself, "remember the blog, remember the blog!" Once again, it all comes down to accountability. Eventually, I will be able to train my brain to be accountable to myself and to God, but for now, it is so important that I have other people who want to see me succeed.
Thanks again for rooting for my success! And if you're one of those characters who's rooting for my failure because you think it's funny when people fall in public - all I have to say to you is, keep it to yourself!
I'm off to Zumba!
Laura
I bit my lip, gripped my sugar free chocolates so hard I would only be able to identify them later by taste, and waited for my friends to decide what they would buy. I waited. And I waited. And I waited some more. They hemmed and hawed, picked up one choice and put it back down again. They debated whether they would split something or whether they would choose their own candy. They debated the merits of Dots verses the merits of Charleston Chews; and they expounded on the history and development of the modern-day chocolate bar and how it has affected the global economy as well as the entire movie industry. It was excruciating!
The reality is, all of this probably only lasted a total of 3 minutes (and I may have exaggerated a bit as well) but due to the magnetic pull I was experiencing from the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, the Symphony Bars and the giant milk carton of Whoppers, that 3 minutes felt longer than a Thursday night college seminar class! Finally, my friends made their choices and we all went merrily to the movies, treats in hand.
I wonder if that experience is what it's like for an alcoholic, new to recovery, who goes to eat in a restaurant. It's easy for a non-addict to say, "He has to learn to be around alcohol without drinking it himself." That may be true but it is definitely NOT easy! So, once again, I find myself grateful for all of you out there who have taken an interest in this not-so-little journey of mine because you are the reason I was able to resist the candy - AGAIN. As I made the decision (over and over again) not to pick-up the bags of sugary concoctions, I kept saying to myself, "remember the blog, remember the blog!" Once again, it all comes down to accountability. Eventually, I will be able to train my brain to be accountable to myself and to God, but for now, it is so important that I have other people who want to see me succeed.
Thanks again for rooting for my success! And if you're one of those characters who's rooting for my failure because you think it's funny when people fall in public - all I have to say to you is, keep it to yourself!
I'm off to Zumba!
Laura
A great Movie treat is Gum, Hang in there Laura you are doing great
ReplyDeleteMy downfall is bread. I find if I toast a regular slice of wheat I can than sever in down the middle to make two pieces. It works and I eat have the bread
ReplyDeleteI'm proud of you, Laura! That was a tough situation; I probably would have folded. Very impressive. And yes, we would have been sad if you had eaten some, but we would forgive you.
ReplyDeleteGum sounds like a great idea. I've been using it some myself for those times (late night tv) when I realize I eat just to be chewing something. How weird are our brains?
Go Laura! Proud of u!
ReplyDeleteOh my! I feel the same way about the candy aisle!!! It's hard even with the much improved sugar free treats!
ReplyDelete