Conquering fear and climbing mountains

Fear is often a terrible thing.  Sometimes it's good - like when fear tells you, "now Laura, don't walk down that dark alley alone, it looks dangerous;" or when fear says, "It's probably not a good idea to look down the barrel of a loaded gun."  But very often fear keeps us from doing things that really could be something wonderful!  For the past 4 years I have avoided hiking to the cross at Camp Hargis, the campgrounds of the Christian Church in Alabama & North West Florida.  Every kid and counselor who comes here talks about completing this very special & traditional ritual but I didn't know how hard the hike would be so I never even tried it.  All this time, fear has kept me from being a part of something that so many people have loved to do.

This year I set myself 3 goals for church camp.  1 - I would buy and prepare all my own food for the week instead of eat the calorie laden and nausea inducing grease fest this camp calls breakfast, lunch and dinner; 2 - I would hike to the cross; and 3 - I would wear my bathing suit to the pool instead of jump in wearing my clothes.  Today is Tuesday, day 2, and I have already accomplished 2 of the 3 goals!  Before the campers got here I went to Publix and bought all my food for the week and have been making my own meals each time.  Because so many of the people at my camp have been reading this blog they have been so supportive of me in doing this.  The camp even gave me my own little corner in the walk-in cooler to keep all my food!  And yesterday, the whole camp took a silent hike to the cross and they all were so excited to be doing it with me, especially since they knew what it really meant to me.

I'm not gonna lie, that hike was HARD!  I sweat buckets, I got a little dizzy at times, my legs turned to Jell-O, I thought I might throw up a couple of times, and I really, really, really did not think I would make it all the way.  The majority of the trail is very doable, but right at the end the trail runs out and you basically rock climb the rest of the way to the top.  By the time I got to that point my legs were already a little wobbly and I was breathing fairly hard.  I took one look at the kids scaling that mountain and I said, "well, this is far as I go!"  I just knew that if I tried that I'd fall off tuck into a ball, roll down the mountain and never be heard from again.  I admit I was a little relieved that I had a good excuse to stop and rest for a while until everyone came back my way to head back. But then Beth, our director, made the WONDERFUL observation that there was a slightly easier trail around the corner.  My excuse to stop vanished like vapor and I was on the move again.  When I finally got to the top I poured my water bottle over my head, said a few cuss words under my breath, and signed the cross with a sharpie just like every pilgrim who came before me.  Then I shared with the kids why this was such a big deal to me.  Most of them did not know about my blog experiment and did not realize that I was on this amazing journey, so they had no idea why the other counselors were making such a big deal about me getting up there.  But when I shared with them my story they were so cool and supportive, and maybe by being vulnerable before them I've allowed other kids who have body image issues to feel freed up to talk about their journey's with someone as well.  Who knows right?  Well, it turns out that getting down the mountain was almost as hard as getting up, but by the time I got back to Giltner Hall, our home away from home, I had the most amazing, relaxing, excessively indulgent rest I've ever had in my life!

I have to admit that I'm feeling pretty good about things.  Even though my weight appears to be going up these last few days, I know I can't and shouldn't really do things any differently.  I'm going to be eating healthier this week than I have in the past two and I've already conquered one major fear.  Today I believe I'll conquer the second.  This afternoon, if it's not raining, I will put on my bathing suit, walk to the pool, and swim my little heart out in all my flabby glory!  I know that if I'm going to reach my goal of physical health and radiant beauty I'm going to have to get comfortable with my body no matter what form it is in today.   Therefore, I get to look forward to some refreshing playtime in the sun!

I hope all of this finds you doing well and your week treating you fabulously!  Tomorrow I will do my best to borrow another computer during one of our rare down times so I can keep you updated on my progress here at camp.

Shalom my friends,

Laura